What's the Professor signing? Welcome to the official BlöödHag lyrics page. Listed alphabetically by last name.

All contents are copywritten by BlöödHag and can be used by permission only. Swords Against Music ASCAP copyright 2004.

Isaac Asimov

In '41 fandom was young, and Asimov's name was on every tongue
'Cuz in '41 Nightfall had come
Planet driven insane by an eclipse of the sun
A pair of lush sideburns & a bolo tie describes
The genius who brings us the story of I, Robot
So what, the term was coined by Kapec?
The Three Laws of Robotics ain't been broken yet!
Hey! He had to get paid writing fiction, non-fiction, teaching biochemistry
Fact: He wore so many hats.
Was in the Navy with Heinlein & L. Sprague De Camp!
No big thing, 'til Campbell took him under his Astounding wing
Foundation published before his sideburns had even grown an inch!
Psycho-historian, prophetic creation
Mule had to go and fuck up the equation
That's what you get when you make a sport of mutation!

Alfred Bester

$50 winner, S.F. contest proved Alfred Bester better than the rest
A few more stories pseudo-science non-stop
Like the plot of the Bester book you couldn't drop!
Wrote comics & radio on an 8 years break
'Til commercial TV proved more than he could take
He wrote... The Green Lantern Oath!
He Knew... What the Shadow knows!
When Campbell fell under L. Ron's spell
Alfred said, "You can fuckin' go to hell!"
Bloodhag think and drink to him still
Left his estate to his bartender in his will
Man is not slave to science. Science slaves for a man's mind
When that man unwinds- that's when Alfred Bester writes!
The Demolished Man!
The Stars My Destination!
Fondly Farenheit!
4,217,409!

Ray Bradbury

You did pretty good for never having gone to college Ray...
But when I saw you on TV I felt you owed me an apology!
But not for..
Farenheit 451!
Not for...
Something Wicked This Way Comes!
Not for...
Golden Apples of the Sun!
Not for...
Martian Chronicles, Book One!

Marion Zimmer Bradley

Who would've thought you'd carve out a place
Writing run-of-the-mill adventures of Ace?
Like Seven from the Stars and The Door Through Space
Darkover and over and over
You pick up the pen Marion or a friend
Darkover's colonists were once human
Developed psionics is the interim
To retell Brittian's mythic origin
Masculine to Feminine L'Femme D'Morgan
Darkover and over and over and over again!

John Brunner

Shockwave Rider put us in deep shit
Inescapable jagged orbit
John Brunner put our horrible future in print
We sheep won't look up 'til our throats are slit!
Those astronauts should not have landed
Everything is going just like John planned it
Dropped a hint with Sanctuary in the Sky
The amazing thing is he's still alive
John write while we sleep and die
Stand on Zanzibar!
Father of Lies!


Octavia E. Butler

After armageddon shredded pieces of the human race
Xenogenesis, mated into creatures free of hate
Immortals burn patterns through infinity
To shape the face and fate of Humanity
Don't make Octavia write for a hundred years
Because you treat black women as good as guys with pointed ears
Teach Kindred in a history class
Your kid's a guaranteed genius if they pass
Her characters evoke the same rich note
As if spoke from the baritone of her own throat
After Wild Seed's sown a new society's regrown
You'll never be alone, you'll sit beside her throne
Mind Of My Mind!

Edgar Rice Burroughs

Some call it trash
but I think it art, are
He wrote John Carter
Warlord of Mars and

Tarzan!!!

Arthur C. Clarke

Is this just a myth? Consciousness exists
Because of this monolithic obelisk genesis
Rewrite the ironic bit. His literary gift's eclipsed
By Kubrick and a Script, but undiminished by it!
Matters of security, he wasn't kept in the dark
For his help in the direction and perfection of radar
Now his life's one long weekend he's only speakin' in Sri Lank
Nobody parts the sea or starts an odyssey like Arthur C. Clarke!

Give it to 'em hard!! Hard SF!! ...Hey!!

Rendezvous With Rama. The Nine Names of God.
Childhood's End and then The Fountain of Paradise.
Then when we land on Venus or maybe Mars
Then when we touch the monolith-
Then we see the truth: Oh my God. It's full of stars!

Give it to 'em hard!! Hard SF!! ...Hey!!

Samuel R. Delaney

Einstein Intersections and Babel 17
Tweaked sex roles, language, and all in-between
Subversive insertion of your progressive mores
Into standard Sword and Sorcery
Passion plays
Forget the old white writer smoking a pipe
Try a bisexual black man with a lust for life
No more fiction that's his decision
Making a religion of incisive criticism!
Stars In My Pocket Like Grains of Sand!
The Motion of Light in Water!
We In Some Strange Power's Employ!
Move On a Rigorous Line!

Philip K. Dick

chorus: -Nothing' s ever the way it looks!
The K is for kickin' your ass with great books!
Three Stigmata of Palmer Eldritch
Genius! Paranoid lunatic!
Lies, Incorporated - Valis and Ubik
You got to stay the fuck back from Philip K. Dick!
Though he wrote some crap to pay the rent
Anyone could see his mind was bent
Everything is a lie. Reality is a sham.
Am I a Replicant? I don't know who the fuck I am!
Repeat chorus!

Harlan Ellison

Write in a store window, the girls watch your lobes flex
Still, no one could guess what you would write next
Like you might write just t oread your own name
Your early work made good TV game
Still, no one could top you at your short fiction
No one could stop your dangerous visions
We wrote this song don't let it go to your head
You'd like it more if your name's all we said
Harlan, Harlan, Ellison!
Harlan, Harlan, Ellison!
A lot of people called you a prick
Maybe you talked a little shit 'bout Philip K. Dick
Mephisto In Onyx. Phoenix Without Ashes.
Couldn't write a real novel to save your ass!

William Gibson

Fragments Of a Hologram Rose
Immortalized in Burning Chrome
His success rode on ominous crest
The death of traditional SF!
Neuromancer's sequels are written here and now,
Each day we live in Example of Canuck pessimism
Examination of Global pessimism
Examination of global schism. Dystopian vision.
Forged with typewriter ribbon
Jack the chip right into my brain
Mnemonics was just a scheme
Absolution for Gibson's dream
The Faceless control everything
No heroes to save the world
No future. No history to be told.

Robert A. Heinlein

Grok this! Robert A. Heinlein, here's a dis
You're a misogynist. Known as the fascist of the Best Seller list
As you died in pain. You still had to persist
And make sure everybody knew you were pissed
Wrote about your great great great great Grandson
Only as Larzarus Long could you be that handsome
I swear as sure as your middle name is Anson
I heard you wrote a favorite book of Charles Manson
Starship Troppers. Podkayne of Mars.
Time Enough For Love. Time For The Stars.
You opened the door they could've followed
The future starts the day after tomorrow!
H-E-I-N-L-E-I-N
H-E-I-N-L-E-I-N
It's the day after tomorrow

Frank Herbert

You do what gotta do to survive
Like live in Port Townsend all your life
Now, I read Dune and I liked what I saw
But you talk and talk, blah and blah
Waters on the Straits of Juan De Fuca
Made you write Soul Catcher...
Wrote Destination: Void way too soon
'Cuz you still wrote all those shitty sequels to Dune
But at least, David Lynch tried
And two years later, you'd have died!
Frank, Frank, you made me think
Frank you made me
Even his name is a killing word!

Ursula K. Leguin

She spoke of the dichotomy
'twixt nature and technology
Her hainish stories began
and ambitious chronology
Some authors should teach a course
On deviant psychology
Her course would be
Cultural anthropology
The Dispossessed is a masterpiece
of anarcho-syndacalism
The Left Hand of Darkness held
Gender analysis and assured feminism
You were always coming home
to all aspects of utopianism
Will earth survive
To justify your optimism?
Ooh Ah Ursula!

Frank Belknap Long

Blue Ichar! No corners!
Read Frank Belknap Long instead of eating food
With a Name like Frank Belknap Long It's got to be good
Turn away from the horror lest ye surely go mad
Frank gives you every tentacle and severed hand
And Others Shall Be Born!
The Hounds of Tindalos!
Mastered the mythos, wrote horrific poems
H. P. got him a slot on the amazing staff
On to tread the path laid by Lovecraft

H.P. Lovecraft

He was little known until he died
'Cuz the real demons were behind his eyes
And his tortured mind could never thought
Of the extent his mental health had wrought
A dozen shitty movies only two I saw
At least one song by Metallica
Aleister Crowley even believed that crap
You fucked my mind H. P. Lovecraft
You started writing for Wierd Tales
All you wanted was sex you got strait hell
I stole my first from Waldenbooks at the mall
And then I heard Cthulhu's Call
Other writer jumped on your boat
Even you weren't scared of what you wrote
You told of monters lurking in the mist
'Cause you daddy died of syphilis


Michael Moorcock

Corum. The last of his race
Had to kick ass over sixteen planes
Elric. Kept alive by his sword
Stormbringer stole souls for the Chaos Lords.
Eternal Champion. Multiverse of the mind
Everything he wrote somehow intertwined
Michael Moorcock born in 1939!
The Sundred Worlds! The Wrecks of Time!
Moor...cock..cock...cock! Moor...cock..cock...cock!

Moorcock smoked pot with Lemmy
You think you wrote a lot of books, he wrote twice as many
Von Beck was Mike's Grandad
Best Eternal Champion a kid ever had
The Golden Barge or any of his stories
Ironic fables, simple allegories
The great rock-n-roll swindle... Well, why the fuck not?
Hawkwind and Moorcock write books and rock
Moor...cock..cock...cock! Moor...cock..cock...cock!

Andre Norton

Her bibliography is immense
Even her books for adolescents are intense
She writes clean-cut and optimistic
But for someone born in 1912
She was totally with it
The Witch World series began Horn Crown
The World of Estcarp put the girls in power
Pressed the point to pontificate how
To keep the technocrats out
I had a hunch you were all woman
Even though you name's Andre
From Victory On Janus all the way to Forerunner Foray
I've read Andre since a child and until my dying day
Bury me with one to read
While I turn to powder in the bottom of my grave
I'll be spinning my bones to powder
In the bottom of my grave
Her work voluminous
Output continuous

Kenneth Robeson

Kenneth Robeson. You wrote some, of my favorite fiction
Like Doc Savage, The Avenger
So I don't even give a shit
That your name was just a surname
For thousands men's pens
In the thirties, I could buy your books for just ten cents
And you'd get what you paid for they were made for
PRE-PUBESCENT MALES!
They're the one only that I can read
When I rot in county jail!
Kenneth Robeson!
You wrote some of my favorite fiction.

Joanna Russ

Joanna Russ wrote the Female Man, she...
The greatest feminist science fiction ever written
Now she teaches class at the U-dub is spring
Joanna Russ, my science fiction queen!
Her protagonists are tough not gamine
Like Picnic in Paradise and Alyx
We who are about to salute you Miss Russ
You awaken the soul in all of us!
And Chaos Died!
The Two of Them!
Extra-ordinary People!
On Strike Against God!
Her non-fiction is compelling and frightening
You better fucking read
How To Suppress Women's Writing!
I heard she lived in Ballard
My science fiction queen!

Mary Wollstonecraft Shelley

It's the name of the man not the monster
The start of it all, started small in her subconscious
You were a genius and boy was your dad pissed
You went against his wish
married Percy Bysshe
Percy's first wife comitted suicide
At the thought that you'd be his new bride
Yuo were obsessed with life and death
Three dead children
No baby at your breast
Disowed by your father but when the money ran out
Guess who he bothered
Only took one book
To fill us all with fear
And make a new form of writing appear


Neal Stephenson

On All Hallow's Eve in Fort Mead
In the shadow of the National Security Agency
Away in a mainframe, no crib for a bed
Born and bred by Propellorheads!
Snow Crash ensconced you as a prophet
Silicon Valley copped it to profit off it
Mysteries with just hints of SF Twists
Sealed with a kiss, language virus!
The Command Line Is The Beginning, where does it end?
Quicksilver writing with a fountain pen
Decode and encrypt! Decode and encrypt!
And write! Write now!

James Tiptree Jr.
(Alice Sheldon)

Surname for a brand of maralade
Burst on the scene in '68
Influeced the Rolling Stones... whatever
Can't masquerade as a man forever
James Tiptree Jr! James Tiptree Jr!
James Tiptree Jr! James Tiptree Jr!
Had a job at the Pentagon
Said "He" lived outside D.C.
But she almost blew his cover
With The Women Men Don't See
James Tiptree Jr! James Tiptree Jr!
James Tiptree Jr! James Tiptree Jr!
On The Cold Hillside
Love is the Plan, and the Plan is Death
Your Faces O my sister
Your Faces filled With Light
These stories are to good
To be written by a guy
chrous...


J. R. R. Tolkien

Who wrote the Hobbit, Two Towers and Return of the King?
J.R.R. Tolkein!
Who wants Rankin/Bass's ass in a sling?
J.R.R. Tolkein!
The only fantasy I'd ever read to my children
But not The Simarillion!
Who wants to kill Ralph Bakshi for the Lord of the Rings?
J.R.R. Tolkein!

Jules Verne

Jules and his brother, watching the boats
Tellin' stories to each other of the places they'd go
At twenty-thousand leagues meet Captain Nemo
Not much of a plat and owed a lot to Poe
From Phineas Fogg to Impey Barbicane
He fit his fiction to the science of the day
Practically invented the N.R.A.
Wrote Around the World in 80 Days!
Jules' dad sent him to law school in Paris
He wished he was with his brother on a ship
Supposed to go to class but always skipped
Did the coffeehouse bit, started to get Lit
Wrote a couple of boring plays
Soon, Jules was amazed
Writing fiction pays
So, he wrote Around The World In 80 Days!

H. G. Wells

The ladies didn't want H.G. for his money
He spoke soft and sweet, and smelled like honey
If his wife found out, he wasn't worried
Just set his time machine back before he was married!
Want to see a Morlock? Keep watchin' the box...
Want to see an Eloi? Just watch Baywatch!
The plot device to all life's stories evolutionary
British scientific romance revolutionary
Writers still swipe from you most famous books
Yet they forget the social satire of your later works
When The Sleeper Awakes. The Holy Terror.
The World Set Free. A Mind At The End Of It's Tether
The century turned the way you said- no mistaking
Mankind was yours for the making

Roger Zelazny

The page of New Wave bore Roger's fresh face
Set the taste and the pace for his time and place
In the Courts of Chaos, Corwin struts in Amber
Only those of the True Lineage may walk the pattern
Bloody family feuds and a super-computer in Limbo
A pack of Trumps under the pillow
Worlds of the fantastic. Dense and specific. Unscientific.
New twists on old Myths. Man to Gad metamorphosis
So what his new hits ain't as good or as thick?
It's not his fault Damnation Alley flick sucked shit
My name is Legion. Will leave no doubt.
Or The Doors of His Face, The Lamps of His Mouth!